just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
And then my night got REAL pukey
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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