Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
this beer tastes like vomit already
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
