Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
