i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
my vag is so smooth its legendary
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
My bed smells like the plague
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize