i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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