somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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