Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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