just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
