True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
