I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
