Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
