just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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