i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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