the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
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