May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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