Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
