You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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