kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
