I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
