I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
