I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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