Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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