Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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