About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
