Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I need water and some morals
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
