I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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