This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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