My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
