If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
