Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
