When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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