I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
