If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
