I think my fart just growled at me.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
