I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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