imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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