my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
