Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
