Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
