We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
