I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
