Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
