i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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