We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
