My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
