just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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