ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
