whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
