I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
