bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
