Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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