You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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