GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize
