i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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