is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Just cropdusted the office
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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