You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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