i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
