I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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