Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
