Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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