I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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