It's like a parade of train wrecks.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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