Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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