i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
