I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
