Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
