Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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