I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
