I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
