just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
