He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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