Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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