I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize