I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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