it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
