My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
