just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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