I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Found the puke drawer
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
