it wasn't lemon gatorade
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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