I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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