Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You smell like a Billy Joel song
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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