Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
