she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
