I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
