In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
